I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Small penises have feelings too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
