So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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