The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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