420 ftw
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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