Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
