When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
