it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
40s are totally the cure
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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