cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
