you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
