You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
