Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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