well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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