He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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