Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
