I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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