I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
