They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
