Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
