i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
