I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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