When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
