About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
