That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
