you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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