Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Drunk is a universal language darling
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
