I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
