I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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