i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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