btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
