I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
