I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
