i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
