even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
