My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
