he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize