Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
