The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
