if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
