i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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