did you get engaged???
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
