She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
