I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
