she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
