I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
