Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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