so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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