It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Congratulations! We have a period
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