Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
