if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
