i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
