The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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