I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
