I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
