Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
