allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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