I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
