Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
