you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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