This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
