If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
