you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
