dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
