Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
