ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
