This girl is more easily done than said...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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