I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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