I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
