I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
