We're facebook friends in real life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize