sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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