Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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