I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
