i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
