I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
