It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
