I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
