I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
