I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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