Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize