ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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