His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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